Friday, January 29, 2010

The one

For most of last year I worked on a temporary assignment with a woman who used to be
"The Executive Assistant for the CIO of Communication" for a large company that dramatically downsized. And I know that she used to be "The Executive Assistant to the CIO" of this company because when I first met her she told me that she was "The Executive Assistant to the CIO" 11 times in one day.
Over the course of the 6 months that we worked together, she tapered off from the 11 times a day to about 2-3 times and towards the end she was down to at least once a week.
I didn't really care for this woman and she point blank didn't like me.
We were on the same level, and she didn't like that. She needed to be above someone, and since both of our badges to her dismay read "Office Clerk", she was none to happy.
Me, I just wanted my direct deposit every week. I could care about title's just pay me my salary and let me go home.
All this brings me around to my current job and some revelations that I had about it and her recently.
We all knew that she was unhappy and yearned to have some sort of Senior Staff Admin Assistant Glory on the Highest Title and that she really wanted to work for an Executive as opposed to a manager. But I always thought it was just about the status of saying this is what I am and this is who I work for. But I am now realizing that it was more than that.
It's about being the one. The go to person in the office.
She didn't have any social skills to speak of and my manager said that was the main reason that she didn't like me. I talked to everyone and everyone easily talked to me. She didn't talk to anyone and she only snarled and grunted at me, so I thought that she had a mental problem and went on.
I have been at my new job for 4 months now, and I still love it. But sometimes it tires me. Because now I am the one.
We are out of coffee, tell Carmen she will get more.
Stinky in the office, tell Carmen she'll call and make it go away. Still smells in the office, tell Carmen again!!
We need paper,pens, to schedule a meeting, reschedule a meeting, time and attendance adjusted , anything and everything...I am the one that they come too.
And at times it is a heady feeling. My boss loves me, she tells me so and apparently people around the hospital have commented on my personality and skills. But it is a heavy weight.
In past real jobs, I am the one who comes to work, usually takes lunch by myself to go run errands or read a book, then goes home.
If something went down, unless I was involved, happily I was the last to know. Until now....
I know everything now, and sometimes that's not a good thing. Sometimes I know when someone is going to be written up, or suspended, or fired....
And I don't like being the one to know that, because usually I know a day or two before that person does and it makes me sad.
Don't get me wrong, for the most part I still love my job. The days fly by. I never know in the morning what is going to happen and sometimes I love that. But sometimes I find out stuff that I just don't want to know.
This Christmas, I was sitting at my desk typing mailing labels to send out and listening to my "Charlie Brown Christmas" CD and all of a sudden I realized that for the first time in a long time I was really happy and very much at peace. It felt wonderful.
Today I spent most of the morning setting up new mailboxes for everyone and running the Friday morning Bingo game. Yesterday I scored mugs for the whole department, cause I'm the one with the hook up in PR.
I love that I am not surrounded by gray cubicle walls and that I get to walk around a lot. That is a hell of a perk for being the one.
And quite a few times I have been pulled into senior staff meetings that started off being very serious, but ended up with managers throwing candy at each other and making really bad jokes. I get to see a side of the management staff that no one in the office gets to see or would ever imagine was there, because I'm the one.
So I understand why the woman that I temped with was so unhappy, you don't have to try so hard when you're the one. Everyone comes to you, you don't have to come to them. Now that doesn't quite excuse her stank attitude, but I do understand it better.
However , when it comes to days like today when you don't get to say goodbye to a very nice person, who started the same day that you did and you have to turn in his badge to the HR department, it really sucks being the one.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Question of the day

Should I forgive him?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Knitting ADD

As I sit on my couch what do my wandering eyes behold but this

1. Pair of basic socks

2. A pair of Sweet Socks designed by my friend Jenn.

3. The Bulky Ribbed Mini Scarf from Lion Brand .

4. A pair of Warm Wool Mittens, that I cast on last night because it's NAKNIMITMO...duh! Also from Lion Brand .
5. A Yarn and Needles dishcloth for a friends birthday.

6. The Lady Eleanor Scarf from Scarf Style. Which is finally growing!
Oh and I almost forgot this one.
My Branching Out Scarf from Knitty, which brings us to total of seven UFO's.
And what's really sad, 4 out of the 7 seven were cast on in the last 4 days. I'm not sure what's going on, but I had this sudden urge to knit EVERYTHING!
Oh well, I have yarn, I have needles, I'm enjoying myself. And hey, there are a lot worse addictions in this world.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Pink Shoes

I didn't realize that I had so many. :)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The first No is the Hardest

And that first no was said to none other than myself. You see one of the main people I have to say no to is me.
No, you can't spend $200 on a knitting retreat, means yes you have the money to pay the second installment of this semesters tuition.
No, you can't join the Rockin Sock Club, means yes you have money for books for said semester.
No, do not buy those potato chips, means yes your ass has a chance of shrinking a little bit.
So you see, the No's are not just for my unsuspecting family, friends and numerous acquintances, they are for me as well.
I did have to hand out a No to my mother this afternoon. And it was hard, but it made me feel so much better.
Mom: Happy New Year, hadn't heard from you. Can I expect you at the studio this Saturday morning?
Me: No, I am taking a "Starting your own Business" class at the Ft. Worth Business Assistance Center.
Mom: Oh, well I guess I can figure something out. Will you be taking the girls to competition this year?
Me: No, they're not into it.
And that was it. Short, sweet and direct to the point. She is not happy with me right now, but I haven't been happy teaching for her for the last 17 years.
I don't know if the No's will get any easier for me to say, listen to, or for others to hear. But I do know that acknowledging my wants from my needs and sticking up for myself without any apologies sure made me feel a little bit better.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Year of "No"

I don't really do resolutions per se, I like to try and set goals for myself.
Last year I had two big goals, to pay off my credit card debt and to go back to finish my degree.
Because of the big "U" incident I didn't pay off the debt, but before the big "U" I was about half way there. Since the new job I have begun hacking away again in ernest so the new goal will be by Summer to be debt free.
I also didn't get to finish my degree, that was supposed to be the main activity for the summer of '09 but since I spent the summer dealing with the "U" and all of the sadness that went with it....the degree got put on the back burner.
But a few weeks ago I registered and put down my first tuition installment for the upcoming semester, so at least part of that goal was accomplished.
So you see, a major setback only yielded some minor dents in the goals.
Of course I had other goals, lose some more weight figure out what to do with my business. But since the "U" lasted from April till October those objectives also got put on the back burner as well.
I am happy to report that the job is going really well. It's the perfect job for my personality. I work with people, but not WITH people if you know what I mean. I'm never on the phone with anyone longer than it takes to transfer them to voicemail and even though I have a desk job, I am not trapped in a little gray cubicle.
Back in late September as the fog was lifting from the "U", I happened to be flipping through the TV and I came upon a religious show. Couldn't tell you who it was or what it was about, but the closing message was that sometimes when you are in a situation God will take you out of it, but sometimes God will make you go through it so that you learn from it. I knew then that God needed me to go through what I had gone through so that I could fix my life to come.
Which brings me to my main goal for the 2010.
That is going to be my word for the New Year. And I know you must be thinking that after my little religious tangent that it seems an odd goal for the year. But hear me out.
In the past I have said yes to a lot of things for people because I just didn't know how to say no. Somethings... no most things I enjoyed, but 90% of the time my saying yes to them, meant that I was saying no to me.
By saying yes to teaching for someone, performing for someone, errands, favors, parties, you name it for someone, I usually ended up robbing myself of time that I could have been spending on me,my business, my relationship and my sanity.
No, is going to be said to a lot more to friends, family and the boy. As much as I love them and it is going to shock the hell out of them, because I am the yes girl. Have been all of my life. No to them is going to mean yes to me.
Yes to studying so that I can finally complete my degree.
Yes to exercising so that I don't get winded walking up a flight of stairs.
Yes to staying at home by myself on the weekends so that I can recharge my batteries and deal with anything that life has to throw me. Because I have a feeling there will be some family battles waged once I start shelling out my no's.
So this year No will really mean YES!