1) Hacking - Halloween night the Boy and I are at the movies when I start to feel this tingle in my nostril cavities. I didn't think anything of it at the time since the man sitting behind us had on some pretty noxious cologne. But low and behold the next day I start to sniffle and sneez and realize that it is indeed a sinus cold. No biggie, been there, done that before. I took my usual remedies of Alka Seltzer, some Sudafed and the occasional shot of Nyquil on the nights that I can't get to sleep.
A week later I think that I am completely over this thing until Monday afternoon when the tingling returns and by that night I am in full sneezing fit mode that even Alka Seltzer won't knock out. It got so bad that when I was still awake at 2 AM I thought about driving myself to the Urgent Care at the hospital where I work.
But I decided to go to work and tough it out and as soon as 4:30 hit, head on over to the Urgent Care then.
About 10 that morning all plans changed when I let out a sneeze so violent that I thought that my chest had cracked open. That was when I emailed my supervisor for permission to take a long lunch and go over to the UC.
While wheezing my way across the street I again thanked God, not only for the great job with benefits that I now had, but for the fact that it was at a medical facility. Can you say convenient?
As I am checking into the UC window I make sure that my employee badge is facing out, I know that it won't help me get in any faster but I figure that it can't hurt either.
Then the registration lady asks me,
"Are you really having chest pains?"
"Yes," I answer.
"Okay, but just so you know if you have chest pains they usually admit you to the ER."
"I can't do that I only have 30 minutes for lunch"
She gives me a strange look and hands me a surgical mask to put on and tells me to wait until the nurse calls my name.
And there I sit in the UC waiting room like Swine Flu Sue as the minutes tick away on my lunch half hour.
45 minutes later I am in the exam room waiting for the doctor to come in and medicate me out of my misery when the panic sets in. You see being new to the job I haven't accumulated any PTO time, not that I'm worried about losing my job or anything like that, my boss is fantastic. It's just that time of work means very low funds, and I'm not ready to go there again. So when the nurse comes in to take my paperwork I scratch off "chest pains" and tell her that I think that it's just a pulled muscle from moving chairs around in the conference room yesterday and that my chief complaint is the long term cold symptoms.
When the nurse practioner comes in he asks me the general questions about whats been going on and during the exam he asks about the chest pains. I reluctantly tell him about them and he says that its because of all of the coughing that I have been doing. Hallelujah! No ER for me.
Which brings me to #2 - I bet this is where you thought the poop song was but it's not.
2) Booster Shots -I was so happy to not having a new strain of the Swine Flu I completely glossed over him telling me that he was going to prescribe me a couple of shots that would make me instantly feel better in addition to the medication that he was prescribing me.
And then the nurse came back in with these two big needles and asked me what side do I usually sleep on because this was going to hurt.
Hold on Nurse Ratchet, I haven't had a booster shot since I was 3 years old and my mom is mad at me right now so I'm pretty sure that she's not going to come over here and hold my hand like she did then.
But since I had already been off the clock for almost 2 hours at this point there was nothing that I could do but drop trou, get my prescriptions and go back to work.
However, I have to say that at least she was right the shots did hurt a lot but they did make me feel a whole lot better pretty quickly.
3) So I am sitting here tonight in with my constantly clearing head, thanking God for Flonase, Amoxicillan and Allegra and I decide to pop in my newest Netflix DVD.
OMG, where have I been the last couple of years that I hadn't discovered the genius that is "The Sarah Silverman Show".
Let's just say that after the year that I have had, I really needed this 5th grade brand of humour. I have been unashamedly rewinding and (nasaly) singing along with this song at the top of my lungs for the last 45 minutes. I am going to download this song so that I can play it in my car and on my MP3.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you The Poop Song. Enjoy!
Seriously I think my favorite part is the gusto that the little girl in the bathtub puts into this song.